Signed by The Author
(With dedication on request)
Paperback: 171 Pages
ISBN Paperback: 978-1-7379739-0-4
ISBN E-Reader: 978-1-7379739-1-1
Size: 6″ x 9″ (Approx 15cm x 23cm)
Two Olives Publishing
Also available in eBook Format – See below
“Martini Alley” by Diane Klutz:
Martini Alley and Other Swashbuckling Adventures of a Certified Klutz. A comical and light-hearted story of two people and their often-misguided quest for adventure. Besieged by mishaps, the Klutzes face each venture like the swashbucklers of old—head-on with confidence and enthusiasm.
It was spring of 1971 in Fort Gordon, Georgia. Nurse Lieutenant Diane Mumper had recently returned from duty in South Vietnam and was assigned a room in the Bachelor Officer’s Quarters across the hall from Lieutenant Steve Klutz, who had also recently returned. They had little in common except, like many other returnees, they were hell-bent on having a good time and remaining single.
Despite being nabbed by the Military Police for skinny dipping in the Officer’s Club pool and a bar-room brawl in an off-limits pool hall that nearly resulted in injuries, Diane fell in love with the effervescent Klutz, realizing that her life would never be boring.
And she was correct. Soon after marriage, the Klutzes begin their search for the perfect place to live and the perfect life. Building a house in the Colorado Rockies becomes a nightmare as crews escape for the winter, leaving the couple to finish it themselves. Undeterred by past mistakes, they tackle remodeling projects, including a 1920’s home, Bob Villa style and later a home on the Gulf Coast using a less than savory work crew.
Hitting mid-life with gusto, the Klutzes embark on a new adventure—boating. Beginning with tattoos, they discover the agony and ecstasy of yachting within the Red River and later the Texas Gulf waters. Whoever coined the phrase, “Buying a boat was the happiest day in my life second only to selling that boat,” must have been thinking about the Klutzes as they merrily drift from one boating mishap to another.
Thoroughly enjoying being on the water, the Klutzes decided that being in the water would be better, so they jumped into the sport of scuba-diving. Within the emerald waters of the Florida Panhandle, the often-murky waters of Bonaire, and the crystal blue waters of the Caribbean, the Klutzes encountered a world of color, beauty, and wonder. However, they also discovered to their dismay that the calmness of fifty feet below the surface could hide choppy waters above. Who knew you could throw up in full diving gear?
Leaving the watery world behind, Steve and Diane’s new adventure took them to the open road aboard a forty-plus foot motor home and much like Lucy and Desi in the “Long, Long Trailer” soon realized that disaster could lurk in the most harmless of places. From busted black water holding tanks to nearly plunging off a cliff in the Colorado Rockies, the Klutzes forged forward with gusto and determination.
As the end of this eccentric and comic kind of marriage story approaches, there comes the realization that there is no ending. And there can’t be for as long as Steve and Diane have breath, they will continue to dream and scheme about what could be next.
With humor, grace, and a contagiously positive attitude, author Diane Klutz welcomes readers behind the curtain of her life with Martini Alley and Other Swashbuckling Adventures of a Certified Klutz. While many of these stories are personal misadventures in one form or another, the beating heart of this collection is Diane and her husband, bearer of the Klutz name, as they lovingly pull readers behind on their decades-long roadshow.
Klutz swings through her anecdotal stories with whip-smart wit and more than a little derring-do, fearlessly breaking the fourth wall of storytelling as she bounces from one recollection to the next. The barroom brawl that brought her together with her future husband is a particularly good anecdote early on, and pushes right into his sudden proposal, all of which feels aligned with the whirlwind energy that defines these stories.
…an uplifting message about a shared life fully lived.
—Self-Publisher Review-Martini Alley
Loved it! 😍
“Martini Alley” is a heartwarming, honest, and funny memoir/travelogue about an adventurous married couple who may age but won’t grow old.
This was a wonderful short memoir/travelogue, based on articles that Diane has written in various publications. It was sprinkled all the way through with humor, and it’s clear many of their adventures and mishaps were written with tongue-in-cheek. My takeaway from these entertaining tales is that the Klutzes are…clumsy, yes, but also filled with fire and a deep-seated wanderlust, always searching (with hilarious retelling by Diane) for the next thing to do/see/be in life. They have discovered (and practice!) the secret to never getting “old”—they remember to play! They remember to do what feels good and right to them, never letting bad builders, stitches, mishaps, or weather dampen their spirits or change them. It’s a beautiful memoir not only about moving to new homes, motor homes, life on the water, and travel, but of their faith in each other and their happy, long-lasting marriage. They knew all those years ago when Klutz proposed and Diane said “yes” that their life together would be one, big, exciting adventure, and it wouldn’t surprise me one bit to learn they were doing something new and exciting even today.
—Grace Convertino (Reedsy Discovery Review)
You may think that these stories in Martini Alley are not true because who goes from one calamity to another. We have been friends with the Klutz’s for over 50 years and we can testify these adventures really happened. Diane and her husband Steve have a zest for life as they are always looking for new adventures every 2-3 years. You will smile, laugh, and be amazed as you read about their adventurous tales!
Loved reading the book. Author is a friend, so I especially loved hearing about her stories of the time on North Padre Island. Diane is bright, funny, down to earth, and totally entertaining!
The mishaps that they encounter are so funny — and just keep getting better and better as the story continues. A very fun and entertaining book! And what is almost unbelievable is that all of it is true!!